


Traces of Light

by IvaChism



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, Eventual Romance, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Redeemable Kylo? Maybe, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Slow Burn, Violence, emotionally constipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 11:58:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19852708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvaChism/pseuds/IvaChism
Summary: In the absence of light, Kylo Ren becomes the monster he's always sought to be. But the light has a habit of rising to meet the darkness, and this case isn't any different.





	Traces of Light

**Author's Note:**

> Violence will be a major theme throughout this fic. On a good note, I have a lot of this story already written out so I'll try to update at least once a week. Please be patient with my emotionally constipated babies as this will be a slow burn.

"I'm sorry Ben. They wanted to be here, they really did. Things got in the way."

When he didn't answer, Luke leaned down and ruffled his thick black hair.

"Come on, let's see if we can find something fun to do. You've always liked to play with the training droids, let's go do that."

Ben nodded and trailed after Luke, lips pressed into a thin line.

Another birthday gone and another absence from his parents.

But that's alright. At least he had his uncle.

It was an accident. He hadn't meant it.

But the other padawans had been teasing him, because who else was worth teasing if not the black sheep, the loner, the strange boy who kept to himself? They took his silence for arrogance- the primly son of Princess Leia, the son of the roguish war-hero Han Solo, the nephew of Master Skywalker- Darth Vader's grandson.

His lineage was the most well-known in the galaxy and royalty ran through his very veins. .

Of course he believed he was too good for them, they thought. So they decided to knock him down a peg or two with a few insults, some pushes, a little bit of teasing. It wasn't as if he would speak up. He stayed as far away from Master Luke as he did them.

But when their verbal abuse became physical, he finally retaliated.

The med-droids reported the comatose boy would awake in a month or two, hopefully with full recovery of his body and mind.

Luke looked at him differently after that incident.

Ben would grow to despise that strange look.

Suffice it to say, the rest of the temple never spoke ill of Ben again- at least, not where he could hear them.

He didn't see his parents in person for years.

On special occasions he'd receive a prerecorded hologram.

Leia tried to send them monthly, though work could get in the way. Occasionally Han would join her. The blue figures grew more and more unrecognizable until he didn't bother watching them at all.

There were a few animals that roamed the forest outside of the Jedi temple.

Canine-like animals with furry tails as long as their bodies.

The creatures were a curious bunch, and the Jedi were by far the most interesting thing on the planet.

As such, one could hardly venture into the forest surrounding the temple without tripping over a whole pack of them, chirping like birds and wagging ridiculously long tails. They didn't have one wary bone in their body. It was a wonder the species had survived this long.

He'd gone outside to meditate after another sparring victory. The look on the rest of the padawans' faces as he towered over the defeated boy had made his skin crawl. The temple was growing more and more confining, and the looks his Uncle was sending him with increased frequency… it stoked a fit of dark anger that made his throat tight.

A small river cut through the forest bordering the temple. He liked to sit beside it and listen to the trickling water and the sound of fish slapping their fins against the water as they caught bugs off the surface.

He'd barely shut his eyes to meditate when a wet nose was nudging his arm. Opening one eye, he looked down at the little canine creature begging for his attention.

Ben pushed it away, glaring, then closed his eyes once more.

A minute passed and he was just beginning to center himself when a nose pressed against his back, and another against his thigh.

Dazedly returning to himself, he twisted around and saw a whole pack sprawled behind him, lounging in the sun.

The ones that weren't snoozing chirped when he noticed them, tails lazily thumping against the ground. An unwarranted sense of fondness suffused him, and he gave up meditating in order to lay back and let the creatures surround him, drawn to his body heat.

It was the long-sought and long-denied peace he was constantly searching for.

It was warm, like the sun on his face and their fur beneath his fingers.

He'd enjoy the peace as long as it was offered.

When he returned the following week, a predator triple the size of himself had devoured the entire pack, leaving naught but streaks of blood and fur and the remnants of their terror in the force.

Ben didn't give it a swift death. He tore it to shreds, and tore those shreds to shreds, all while paying extra attention to avoiding its demise, intent on dragging its pain out for as long as possible.

Throughout it all, a voice in the back of his mind hummed happily even as his heart wrenched painfully.

He didn't go into the forest after that.

The voice followed him often.

It whispered kind words, words Ben had never heard from another.

You're powerful. You have so much potential, you're strong. But no one else notices. I notice. I'll stay with you. I'm here. I'll always be here.

When Ben won a duel, the voice would goad him to finish it while his victim lay sprawled at his feet.

When someone accidentally bumped against his shoulder in the hall, the voice begged him to take his newly created 'saber and cut them in two.

And as Luke grew more and more distant, that damn face of his growing more and more shuttered, worried, cautious, as if eyeing a snake in the grass, the voice grew stronger in response.

It became such a regular fixture in his life that Ben was unable to tell the difference of which thoughts belonged to him and which belonged to the other.

When his dreams grew especially vicious, he took to wandering the halls of the temple to clear his mind.

The cool stone beneath his feet was far more preferable to the insufferable heat that was burning his mind alive.

It was on one of those nights that he heard Luke speaking in a hushed voice.

Blue light flooded through a doorway, illuminating the darkness, presumably from a holocron.

"He's not a child anymore." Luke sounded frustrated, as close to anger as Ben had ever heard him. "He's nearly a man. Soon he'll have a strength that I don't think I'll be able to control."

"That's a good thing, Luke. I know this is new to you. It's new for all of us. You're pioneering the next Jedi order- it's a hefty burden to bear. If you'd just trust him, he could help you."

His mother. He almost didn't recognize her voice.

"We've talked about this, Leia. He's unstable. No matter what I do to help, he doesn't understand how to control himself." Luke paused. "Or maybe he doesn't want to control himself."

Ben waited for her to respond, to scold Luke, to say that of course Ben wouldn't act like that, that he was good and of the light. She didn't say anything.

"And his face, Leia. I hardly recognize him anymore. There's a… a darkness surrounding him, and his eyes, maker, when I look into his eyes I see something staring back."

"That's enough," Leia said, voice clipped.

His uncle sounded defeated. "I don't know what to do anymore. What if he-… what if he's like my father?"

"He's your nephew. You're there to guide him. You need to help him." She was quiet a moment. "I'm coming to visit."

"Leia-"

"No. I haven't seen my son in years. I thought if I stayed away, if I let him discover himself without his legacy weighing on him… I thought it would be for the best. He didn't deserve to be born with such a weight on his shoulders." She sighed and was quiet for a long time. "I wish he could've been a normal boy, lived a normal life."

Luke was silent for a long moment. "He's not the boy you once knew. I've failed you, Leia. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

A hollowness Ben hadn't known existed in his chest grew, swallowing his heart and whatever faith he'd had in Luke.

He stole back into the night, trembling.

If he'd not heard Luke's conversation, he wouldn't have lived through the night.

But as it was, he'd been staring at the stone wall of his room blankly. He was scared of seeing his mother again. Would she recognize him? Would she be disappointed in him? Would he recognize her?

His thoughts were swirling like a dust devil.

The sound of a lightsaber split the night. The force compressed around him, stinging his skin and jolting him upright like an electrical surge.

Ben's lightsaber rose to meet the one descending upon him. In the light of the terrible blue light, his Uncle's face looked monstrous. The betrayal stung so deeply that he felt nauseous.

His Uncle looked as horrified as he felt.

Ben brought the stones falling around them, the thunderous shatter hiding the sound of the wretched sob ripping from his chest.

That night, every single inhabitant of the Jedi temple fell to his blade.

That night, Ben died.

That night, all rays of light vanished from his soul and he finally bowed to the darkness that had been building day by day. It was a release when he finally let go. His sorrow turned into pure power, a dark euphoria he relished in.

The voice in his mind- was it his? He wasn't quite sure anymore- shouted with manic glee with each splash of blood, with each scream ceased, with each head severed.

Standing amongst the ruins of the temple, dripping blood and taking deep lungfuls of air that had been denied to him by the weight of the Jedi way, Kylo Ren was born.

The voice in his head introduced itself as Snoke.

Kylo Ren bowed to it.


End file.
